“Where are we going, Liza?” I ask my older sister, tugging on her arm.

“Shhh…” Liza is nervous. Liza is always nervous. “Don’t talk here.”

“Liza, where are we going!?” I insist.

“We’ll see,” Liza is still nervous, waiting for the buses to leave. Not like Mama. Mama was never nervous. When I asked Mama where we were going, she’d pick me up and look at me and say, “Heaven honey, we’re going to heaven.” Heaven is where Mama is now. She died last year. Liza thinks that I am too young to understand, and she tells me that Mama is “away”. I understand though, Mama is never coming back.

Now the last bus has left, and Liza is looking, waiting until there are no adults looking, so we can leave. Liza tells me that adults are bad, that they’ll take us away from each other. I don’t know though. My teacher doesn’t seem bad, and Mama wasn’t bad. I tell Liza this, but she says that’s different. Liza is twelve, so I guess she knows. Liza says that I’ll understand when I’m older. I ask her how old, and she says to stop asking questions. I tell her that my teacher says that asking questions is good, and she sighs.

Liza yanks me after her as she runs from in front of the school. We turn a corner, and now that we’re out of sight of the adults, Liza slows down. She knows that I can’t run as fast as her, so we never run for too long. This is one thing Liza is good about. When Mama was here, we didn’t have to run. I wish Mama was still here, but if I tell Liza that, she’ll explain that Mama “went away”. Liza thinks that because I’m only seven, I can’t understand that Mama’s dead.

Now we have reached the store. The sign out front says Maybell Market. I remember when I was six, and I read the sign to Mama. She swung me around and told me how proud of me she was. I liked that, so for weeks I read everything I could to Mama. Liza never swings me around like that. She says that because Mama’s gone, we have to concentrate on survival. I tell her that if survival means we can’t have any fun, then I don’t like it very much.

Liza pulls me inside the market. I am glad, because it has started to rain outside. Inside we won’t get wet. Liza won’t let us stay long though. I tell her that I don’t want to get wet, but she says if we stay, the adults will get sus-pish-us. I don’t know what sus-pish-us is, but Liza says that it’s bad. I listen to Liza, and we leave, but not before I beg her into buying me a piece of candy. I like candy. Candy is sweet. Even I know that not much else is.

Next Liza brings us to the park. There is a picnic shelter here, but by the time we reach it, I am already soaked. I don’t complain to Liza though. She is just as wet as I am. Under the shelter, we sit at a table, and Liza says that we can stay here because no one will be in the park with the rain. This is good. I don’t want to walk any more today.

When we are dry, Liza takes out her books. I know this means it’s time for us to do homework. I ask Liza why we have to do homework. She says that it is so we can get an education and live better some day. I ask her if I do my homework, will we be able to stay in one of the big houses? I like the big houses. Sometimes we pass them when we go to school in the morning. They have lots of windows and sometimes there are three cars in front. Mama cleaned inside one of the big houses, a long time ago. I wasn’t in school yet, so I had to come with her, but I don’t remember it very well. It seemed nice and safe though, I think. Liza says that if I don my homework every day then someday I might live in a big house. I tell her that I don’t want to wait that long. She doesn’t answer. I think it is because she is doing here homework and doesn’t want to be bugged, because she wants to live in a big house too.

Since I can’t talk to Liza, I get out my own homework. Three plus seven is ten. Four plus two is six. One plus eight is nine. My homework is easy, and I finish before Liza, who is doing hard math. Liza calls it pre-algebra, but it just looks like hard math to me. I watch Liza for a while, but I don’t understand the hard math, and so I’m bored. There is nothing else for me to do, so I wander over to the edge of the shelter and find a stick. I start drawing in the mud. First I draw Liza, and then I add me, and after a second, Mama. I know she’s dead, but the picture looks better with her in it. I wish I could use crayons and paper to draw, but we don’t have any crayons and Liza tells me not to waste paper. Paper costs money. Liza says we don’t have money.

Liza is finished with her homework, so she comes over to me and looks at my picture. I look up at Liza, and she looks angry. She scuffs my picture out and pulls me up. I ask her what was wrong with my picture, but she doesn’t answer. I ask her again and she says nothing was wrong with it, but Liza isn’t looking at me. She’s staring off somewhere else. The rain has let up for a minute and I see a rainbow. I point it out to her, and she smiles. Then Liza picks me up and carries me back to the center of the shelter.

For food tonight Liza has a slice of cold pizza and an apple. I don’t know where she gets the food. Maybe she gets it at her school, or someplace between our schools. I rally don’t know, so I stop thinking about it and instead eat the half of the food Liza has given me. I like pizza. Sometimes I don’t like what Liza has, but I eat it anyway, because otherwise I don’t eat anything. And the next day, we might not have anything at all.

When we are finished eating, it has started to get dark. Liza says that it is almost time for bed. I ask her if I can have a story first, and she says yes and asks what story I want to hear. I tell her Cinderella. She sighs and says that that is the only story I ever ask to hear. I tell her that I don’t care, I still want to hear it, so she starts telling the story. It is true though, I always ask for Cinderella. It is my favorite story. Cinderella is a servant, but then she goes and lives in a palace. Sometime I pretend that I am Cinderella and I am going to live in a big house someday. I’d like that.

When she is done telling the story, Liza says that it’s time to go to sleep. She says that it is going to get cold tonight, so I put my sweatshirt on. It is navy blue and too big, and there is a hole in the elbow, but it’s still warm. Liza says that I’ll be warmer if I sleep under the picnic table. I ask her why, but she says she doesn’t really know, it just will be. So I crawl under the picnic table, put my head on my backpack, and go to sleep.

In the morning, Liza wakes me up just a few minutes before we have to leave. There isn’t food in the morning, and there are no new clothes today, so we don’t have to do anything before we leave today. Sometimes Liza brings new clothes. She says that we have to change every few days, or people will get sus-pish-us. I tell her that most kids have different clothes every day, and she says she knows, but this will have to do. We got different clothes yesterday, so today we will wear them again.

Liza leaves me at my school an hour before it starts. She has to be at her school earlier than mine starts, so I sit under a tree until the buses all come. Then I join all the other kids, going into the school. My classroom is one of the first and I go in and hang my backpack in my cubby. My seat is in the front row, in the middle, and as I sit down, more kids are coming into the room. At 8:15, we say the Pledge of Allegiance, as always. Then my teacher takes attendance, and gives it to the errand people to bring it to the nurse’s office. Today, it’s me and Tarren, my best friend.

On the way back, when we can just se our classroom door, at the end of the hall, Tarren challenges me to a race. Last time we raced, she won, so I agree. I want a chance to beat her. We take off, ignoring the glares from teachers in other classrooms. I am ahead, and I think I will win this one, when I slip and fall. The last thing I see is Tarren running by, certain to win.

When I wake up, I am somewhere else, and in a bed. I haven’t been in a bed in a long time. Liza is sitting next to me, and I ask her where we are. She says that I’m in the hospital, and I ask if that is a good thing. Liza just says that I ask too many questions. I tell her that I like it here, that I like having a bed.

A nurse comes in with another woman. The nurse introduces the woman as Mrs. Morrison, the social worker. I don’t know what a social worker is, but I don’t get a chance to ask. As soon as she is introduced, the woman starts to ask Liza questions. How old are we? Do we go to school? Where do w go to school? Who do we trust? How long has Mama been dead? Eventually, I stop listening. The woman isn’t asking me anything, and I already know everything Liza is telling her.

Finally, after a lot more questions, the woman and the nurse leave. I ask Liza why the woman was asking so many questions. She says it was her job, and that she is going to find us a place to live, maybe in a big house. I ask Liza if the woman was sus-pish-us and she says that she guesses so. I tell Liza that I’m sorry, but she says it’s ok.

We just stay there for a while. For once, I am not asking questions. Liza is holding my hand, and right now that’s all I really want.

“Liza, where are we going?” I ask her, when I am tired of the silence.

Liza thinks for a minute, and then says, “Heaven honey, we’re going to heaven,” just like Mama used to, when she was still here.

Suddenly, I am very tired. I think that when she was here with the social worker woman, the nurse gave me something to make me fall asleep. I don’t know, I wasn’t paying attention to what the nurse was doing. I think I am going to go to sleep now, but fist I say, “I love you, Liza.”

Just before I close my eyes, I hear Liza say, very softly, “Me too, I love you, Allie,” and I think, maybe we really are going to heaven.